There are no guarantees. As with anything there will always be risks. Steps can be taken to mitigate those risks, however.
- Do not shit where you eat. This means do not have an affair with you spouses sister/brother, friend, boss, coworker, etc. In addition do not have an affair with your friend, boss, coworker, etc. If you have an affair, the person you are having an affair with should have absolutely no connection to your life what so ever. If you live in a small town, have an affair in another town or city. If you live in the city try to make the affair with someone in a different neighborhood and in different social circles. He/she should not know anyone you know and the people he/she knows should not know any of the people you know. No points of reference should connect your lives.
- Minimal communication. Do not text. Do not call. Do not use your main email. Create an account on a web based email (one that does not download onto your phone or computer, but that you have to go online to use.) Do all, or nearly all communication through that email, on a devise used exclusively or, at least, mostly by you. Delete any trace of the email website from your browser history, but leave your normal activity in place so that if your history is checked, nothing appears out of the ordinary. Sign out of the email each time you use it. That way if someone stumbles across it, you will not be automatically signed in and have your emails accessible. If you do use any text or phone calls, make sure you learn how to properly delete texts and calls from your phone. Calls will likely be on you bill, however, so it is unwise to call at all unless you have a job that requires you to do a large amount of calls to random numbers (Sales for example), where the calls can blend in with the rest.
- Always be honest with the person you are having the affair with. Tell them right up front that you are married, looking for an affair, and if you plan to stay with your spouse or not. Many cheaters are caught by wronged lovers outing them when the affair ends. If you tell him/her your intentions up front, there will be a much lower chance of animosity if/when the affair ends. This will slightly limit you possible lovers, but not by as much as you think. A surprising amount of people are okay with being the other woman/man.
- If you are having an affair with another married person, make sure they are as careful as you are. Most cheaters do not take enough precautions and are usually caught. On the couple occasions I was almost outed, it was because I was having an affair with a married person who was not as careful as I and got caught. An angry spouse can out you in a hurry if they learn much about you.
- Do not change the way you treat your spouse. Do not ignore them. Do not seek sex from them any less often than you normally would. Everything at home should be exactly like it was. Anything different could raise suspicions. Also, since you are communicating through web based email and your lover knows not to call or text, especially during the times when you would normally be home, do not start guarding your phone or computer any more than you would have before. This can also raise suspicions.
- Avoid calling your lover by name, especially during sex. Moaning the wrong name while with your spouse, or even saying it in conversation can raise a lot of red flags. Instead try to use generic terms of endearment, preferably the same ones you would use with your spouse (honey, baby, sexy, etc. are all good).
- Don’t get attached. I generally never stayed with one affair for more than six months to a year on the top end. This was one of the things I would tell them up front as mentioned in #3. I would warn them that it would not last that long to avoid attachment and that we should just have fun while it lasted. When you feel yourself starting to have feelings besides lust and friendship toward your lover, end it. It might be difficult, but it is easier than the alternative.
- Do not have more than one lover. In the above statement, I indicated that you should not keep one lover too long, but do not overlap them either. End one, then find another. Overlapping can be really time consuming as you try to juggle two lovers and a spouse not to mention family and work.
- Have an excuse for your absence already in place. The excuse, ultimately should be one that cannot be confirmed one way or another. If you are suddenly “working late” way more often than you used to suspicions could be raised. if your spouse calls or shows up at your work place while you told them you were working late, but you aren’t there, it would be bad. Likewise do not say you are hanging out with your friends. If she talks to them you could be done. For me it was easy since I traveled a lot with work. (all day trips, but the trips were random in length). Ultimately you should start doing something routinely alone long before you have the affair so that your spouse can get used to it and not become suspicious of it.
- Tell no one. Do not tell your friends, coworkers, sister/brother, etc. about the affair. No matter how much you trust them, it only takes one slip of the tongue to the wrong person to get you caught. The less people that know, the better. Ultimately that should only be you and your lover.
- Cash only. Do not use your credit card to get a hotel room, buy you lover gifts, take him/her out for drinks or meals, etc. Use only cash for these things and throw out any receipts the second you get them. Some hotels no longer take cash, but many still do. If you are not the type who routinely carries cash, start. Preferably start long before you start an affair. Try to squirel some cash away for when the affair starts. When it does, try not to spend too much. If you are suddenly taking cash withdrawals every other day, that too can be suspicious. If you kept some back, don’t over spend, and routinely have cash on you, it will not seem out of the ordinary.
- Do not change yourself too much. Do not suddenly start wearing new fashions to please your lover if you were not the type to be constantly wearing new fashions before the affair. Same goes for “personal grooming” if you were not the type to shave your nether regions before, suddenly starting can be suspicious, unless you can make your spouse think you are doing it for them. Mostly this would work if they requested it on a semi-regular basis, but you never complied often before. If you are a woman, do not suddenly start wearing make up all the time unless you did before.
- Do not bring home a bunch of new sexual activities/ fetishes/ kinks. You can, and should, incorporate new activities discovered on you affair into you home sex life (you did remember to maintain you home sex life, right?). It can be good for your home life to do so, but do it slowly over time rather than all at once.
- Use protection. Nothing will get you caught more surely than giving your spouse a sexually transmitted disease or infection. So wrap up and be careful.
- Do not see your lover more than your spouse. An affair is new and exiting and you are going to want to be with that person a lot. Keep it under control and see them regularly but not too often. Being suddenly gone all the time is a very bad sign to your spouse.
That should cover the majority of it. There are no guarantees in life and you could still be caught, but taking these steps will greatly reduce the chances of it. It will be tough to do them all, but doing so will make you stop and think whether the affair is worth it or not. All of these should be followed, but especially #1, 2, 3, 7, 10, 11, and 14. Those are the ones that get the most people caught.
In short, be sure you really want to have an affair and be prepared to face the consequences like a grown up if you are caught. If you do have an affair, follow these guidelines as well as anything else that reduces your risk. Hopefully you will get out of it without hurting your spouse, your family, your lover, or yourself.